You Have Spurned Me, Facebook

There’s something wrong.

I find myself all too often feeling dejected after checking my Facebook and finding it devoid of any new notifications. No new ‘likes’ or mentions, no comments on my posts or comments on the comments I’ve commented on. Or liked. How many Facebook messages arrived in the hours between leaving home for a walk and my return from the grocery store? Zero.

Sure, there’s that old friend request from my father’s second cousin out in South Dakota, but that only makes it worse. No one’s left any real evidence, in the last since-I-checked-facebook-last, that I’ve occupied even the most casual of their thoughts (‘click’). Nobody did anything to let me know I’m funny, or smart, or cute, or envied. No one even sent a digital ‘poke’ while I sat on my inflatable mattress, watched Mad Men, made a cucumber salad, read part of a book, and randomly checked my phone to see if notifications had arrived.

This makes me feel dejected. Continue reading

Coffee and Crapping in Capitol Hill

I have to poop but I don’t know where the bathroom is and I don’t wanna ask – at Caffe Vita.

Today is an adventure. Life is an adventure. Here we are, explorers from another dimension, looking for suitable places to go to the bathroom. I left the house in Lower Queen Anne and hiked through the retail section of downtown, then off and up to Capitol Hill today. The weather here in Seattle is perfect right now; 74 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. There are humans out in full force, walking and running and sitting and laying. It’s nice to live in a city where the people get out of their cars and use the sidewalks.

I’ve been making the creepy eyes at hipster chicks lately, but to no avail. My intention is to look aloof, but interested, but not creepy – all at the same time. I think I’d be less creepy if I just used the “I would have sex with you in that doorway, that alleyway, or that bus stop enclosure – right now” look. It’s more honest at least. Continue reading

Seattle: Day 1, May 1, Anarchy Rules!

Welcome back friends and strangers!

So I arrived in Seattle yesterday, May 1, 2014 to near perfect weather and near riotous conditions.

You see, May 1 is “May Day,” and in Seattle it’s generally a day when anarchists gather to protest in the streets. Early in the day while I ate at Shibumi and drank at Manhattan – both located in Capitol Hill – I began to notice a police presence. Chubby, jovial officers in riot gear began closing off different intersections along Pine St. They looked like the B squad, but riot helmets are riot helmets.

Obviously, I hoped for an explosive battle with molotov cocktails and night sticks, riot hoses and tear gas clouds, all reflecting off of broken, bloodied glass, crunching beneath the heels of police boots and the flimsy soles of Toms shoes. Generally we all want to experience a violent mob battling city and state police in our streets, do we not? Continue reading